Me Time

My current struggle is defining "me" time. About 16m ago I set a goal to lose weight, and I have lost about 30lbs and maintained. I should lose another 20lbs (I want to, not just should). But in these 16 months I have walked at least 10k steps probably 90% (or more) of the time.

Going to work made it pretty easy, I would get up and walk around and use my lunch time to walk while listening to podcasts. At night I would go for walks by myself and they were therapeutic. Although sometimes getting out at night was hard because by the time the boys are in bed I am just too tired to so anything. Most nights I would push myself.

Then came April 2020 and working from home full time. At first I didn't do anything and couldn't get enough steps in, I didn't even try. Since June 2019 I hit monthly goals of 10k except for April, June and July 2020. (July was my worst month, I only averaged 7823 steps that month).

I feel guilty on days I don't get 10k steps, but should I? It's my own goal. Shouldn't I be flexible with myself? Some days I might be it make it because I don't feel well, others because I have too many other things to do. To us see, I have been walking back and forth in my living room during the day in order to get the steps in between working. Many times I then have to still go for an evening walk (it's been too hot to go out during the day) to get to the steps or I walk around by bedroom before laying down.

Along with doing some TikTok exercises it consumes my free time. Time I could be using to read (something I love doing but never find the time to do) or even scrolling TikTok while lounging on my Pandemic Hammock Purchase.

Even writing all this I find it hard to give up my 10k steps. I have been doing it for so so long how do I stop now? How do I even decrease that number? It makes me feel like a failure.

My SIL will watch my kids today in my home while I work. I super appreciate her doing this, but it will make it impossible for me to get steps since the house will be hers to use and I will essentially be hiding in the office so the kids don't see me and want to come to me. I know I should be graceful with myself on days like today - something beyond my control, but still I can't be.

We shall see....